Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
