she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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