Just cropdusted the office
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I booty called her while she was in labor.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
