Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Randomize
