Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
