woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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