i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
