she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
