I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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