Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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