I wish my penis had an off switch
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
