I checked into jail on foursquare
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
