What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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