so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
