No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
