Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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