I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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