If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
