No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
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