Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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