I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
