Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
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