Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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