mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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