It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Randomize