It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
