my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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