The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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