R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I faked an abortion last night.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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