you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I wish you could order shots online.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
