then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
