i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
