Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
