Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
a search helicopter?!
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
