Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
