I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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