Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
