Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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