I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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