I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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