just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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