I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
