Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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