she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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