i think my tv is drunk
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
