I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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