God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
