Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
