If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
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