theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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