Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
