Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize