while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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