I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
