The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
