Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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