it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
