My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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