my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
