Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
