totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
