I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
