Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
