Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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