No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
