oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
We need to feng shui this bitch.
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