there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
