Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
