I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
