We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
