Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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