can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
